The PAP Way to Become a Brilliant Conversationalist

Most business people will understand that the foundation of a good business lies in building strong relationships with the people around you. One of the critical skills to build strong relationships is the ability to hold a conversation. In fact, a brilliant conversationalist will often be surrounded by people in a networking session because people enjoy their company.

There are 3 skills to improve your conversations with others and they are summarized by PAP.

The first P stands for Pausing.

One key to becoming a great conversationalist is to pause before replying. A short pause, of three to five seconds allows you accomplish three goals simultaneously.

First, you avoid running the risk of interrupting if the other person is just catching his or her breath before continuing.

Second, you show the other person that you are giving careful consideration to his or her words by not jumping in with your own comments at the earliest opportunity.

The third benefit of pausing is that you will actually hear the other person better. His or her words will soak into a deeper level of your mind and you will understand what he or she is saying with greater clarity. By pausing, you mark yourself as a brilliant conversationalist.

The second A stands for Ask

Another way to become a great conversationalist is to ask question for clarification. Never assume that you understand what the person is saying or trying to say. Instead, ask, “What do you mean, exactly?”

This is the most powerful question that is almost impossible not to answer. When you ask, “What do you mean?” the other person cannot stop himself or herself from answering more extensively. You can then follow up with other open-ended questions and keep the conversation rolling along.

The third P stands for Paraphrase

The third way to become a great conversationalist is to paraphrase the speaker’s words in your own words. After you’ve nodded and smiled, you can then say, “Let me see if I’ve got this right. What you’re saying is . . .”

By paraphrasing the speaker’s words, you demonstrate in no uncertain terms that you are genuinely paying attention and making every effort to understand his or her thoughts or feelings.

And the wonderful thing is, when you practice PAP, you are practicing effective listening. Other people will begin to find you fascinating. They will want to be around you. They will feel relaxed and happy in your presence. The more you listen to another person, the more he or she trusts you and believes in you. Listening also builds self-esteem. When you listen attentively to another person, his or her self-esteem will naturally increase. Finally, listening builds self-discipline in the listener. Because your mind can process words at 500-600 words per minute, and we can only talk at about 150 words per minute, it takes a real effort to keep your attention focused on another person’s words. The more you work at paying close attention to what the other person is saying, the more self-disciplined you will become. In other words, by learning to listen well, you actually develop your own character and your own personality.