4 Steps to Overcoming Adversity

“Life is difficult.” This is the famous opening line of the bestselling book, The Road Less Traveled, written by M. Scott Peck. Indeed, let me be bold enough to say that a life without adversity will be a life not worth living.  While I used to dislike adversity and would try my best to stay clear of it, I have learnt that it is the ability to overcome adversity that makes us a better and stronger person.

I have learnt that your mindset towards adversity will have a profound effect on how you deal with adversity. Remember the following:

1. Life is a continuous succession of both small and large problems. Problems never end. No sooner do you get control of one situation when you are hit by another. Learn to accept that life is a process of “two steps forward and one step back.”

2. You only learn what you’re made of only when you are fall, end over end, by some adversity that hits you like a truck. What really matters is how you pick yourself up.

3. You couldn’t possibly have become the person you are today if you hadn’t contended with adversity. You grow more surely toward the stars.

4. The Universe will never send a difficulty that is too big for you to handle. Whatever problems or adversities you face, you have within you the resources and creativity to deal with them. You have within you, right now, everything you need to deal with whatever the world can throw at you.

The only question is, “How good are you at overcoming the inevitable adversities of life?”

Here are 4 steps you can take immediately to put these ideas into action.

1. Treat every problem or difficulty as if it were a “test,” sent to test your competency. Look for ways to grow stronger and benefit, and “pass” the test with high marks.

2. Stay calm no matter what happens. The longer you can stay calm and relaxed, the better decisions you make and the faster you will be out of your difficulty. You need clarity of mind. Take full control of your emotions and senses. Back off mentally, and become as objective as possible. Step back and look at the problem with a certain amount of detachment, as if it were happening to someone else.

3. Ask other people who have had the same problem for their advice. Don’t try to solve it by yourself.

4. Remind yourself, “This, too, shall pass.”

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The PAP Way to Become a Brilliant Conversationalist

Most business people will understand that the foundation of a good business lies in building strong relationships with the people around you. One of the critical skills to build strong relationships is the ability to hold a conversation. In fact, a brilliant conversationalist will often be surrounded by people in a networking session because people enjoy their company.

There are 3 skills to improve your conversations with others and they are summarized by PAP.

The first P stands for Pausing.

One key to becoming a great conversationalist is to pause before replying. A short pause, of three to five seconds allows you accomplish three goals simultaneously.

First, you avoid running the risk of interrupting if the other person is just catching his or her breath before continuing.

Second, you show the other person that you are giving careful consideration to his or her words by not jumping in with your own comments at the earliest opportunity.

The third benefit of pausing is that you will actually hear the other person better. His or her words will soak into a deeper level of your mind and you will understand what he or she is saying with greater clarity. By pausing, you mark yourself as a brilliant conversationalist.

The second A stands for Ask

Another way to become a great conversationalist is to ask question for clarification. Never assume that you understand what the person is saying or trying to say. Instead, ask, “What do you mean, exactly?”

This is the most powerful question that is almost impossible not to answer. When you ask, “What do you mean?” the other person cannot stop himself or herself from answering more extensively. You can then follow up with other open-ended questions and keep the conversation rolling along.

The third P stands for Paraphrase

The third way to become a great conversationalist is to paraphrase the speaker’s words in your own words. After you’ve nodded and smiled, you can then say, “Let me see if I’ve got this right. What you’re saying is . . .”

By paraphrasing the speaker’s words, you demonstrate in no uncertain terms that you are genuinely paying attention and making every effort to understand his or her thoughts or feelings.

And the wonderful thing is, when you practice PAP, you are practicing effective listening. Other people will begin to find you fascinating. They will want to be around you. They will feel relaxed and happy in your presence. The more you listen to another person, the more he or she trusts you and believes in you. Listening also builds self-esteem. When you listen attentively to another person, his or her self-esteem will naturally increase. Finally, listening builds self-discipline in the listener. Because your mind can process words at 500-600 words per minute, and we can only talk at about 150 words per minute, it takes a real effort to keep your attention focused on another person’s words. The more you work at paying close attention to what the other person is saying, the more self-disciplined you will become. In other words, by learning to listen well, you actually develop your own character and your own personality.

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